dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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