Soap is not a condiment
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
