i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
