i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
