I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize