So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
