If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.