I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet