so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.