you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.