i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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