the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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