my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize