you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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