dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
