How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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