If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
