Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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