Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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