I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
