This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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