Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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