oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
