I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
