Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
