Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
