Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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