I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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