just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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