Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
