Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
