i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
