i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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