either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
