Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
