what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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