I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
