question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize