her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
