Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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