You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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