I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
