I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
