Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
