I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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