Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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