It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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