the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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