I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
