That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
