also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
