we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
