she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
