My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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