I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
