people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
