i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
