the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
