this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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