very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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