Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize